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6 Meditations Upon The Butterfinger

Better not lay a finger on my Butterfinger! Or I will hurt you.
I bought a few Butterfinger bars yesterday to nosh on while celebrating the 500th episode of The Simpsons. It had been a long while since I ate a Butterfinger, and I found myself getting nostalgic.
 
1
In high school we had a proper candy machine. (I specify because I was at a high school recently, and there was no candy machine. You know, with the health food and all.) There was a brief fad of competitive eating, as we attempted to nibble the chocolate off an entire Butterfinger bar. If your bar broke, you lost. If there was any chocolate left, you lost. 

It was disgusting, and it resulted in a real mess. But we had fun doing it. I never won. Frankly I didn't have the patience, the same way I lacked the patience to peel the foam wrapper/label off a bottle of Diet Coke in one single spiral. (If that dates me, so be it.)
 
2
The most objectionable thing about the Butterfinger has always been the way it gets packed into your molars and forms a sticky mess. The best thing about the Butterfinger is the crunch, that wonderful rich texture as you bite through all the flaky crunchy layers together.
 
3
One aspect of the Butterfinger which I feel is underappreciated is the saltiness. Without the saltiness, it would be insipidly sweet. Butterfinger is one of the few candies which is openly salty, although most people don't realize it. We think of "salty and chocolate" as being a modern fad, but it's been there all along in our Butterfinger bars.
 
4
It's not true that a chocolate-free Butterfinger would be a Chick-O-Stick, although you can be forgiven for thinking so. Chick-O-Stick have an element of coconut which the Butterfinger lacks.
 
5
Something about Butterfinger Snackerz is just a little bit off. I think it's the ratio of peanut butter-ish filling to chocolate. Maybe it's the shape, which always makes me think of a Heath bar. I just don't like them as much as regular Butterfingers. If I want just a small amount, I'll buy a sack of Fun Size bars. (n.b. and then eat the entire bag.)
 
6
People like to smash up Butterfinger bars and use them as ingredients in baked goods, including cookies, cupcakes, and brownies. I don't like any of these, the specific crunch of Butterfinger just doesn't work for me in a baked good. 
 
Ice cream, though, is perfect. Especially in Blizzard form!