Wonka Kazoozles

Wonka Kazoozles

It's been a long time since I bought a candy without having the slightest idea what to expect.  I studied the package and learned only that Kazoozles are "Delickoricious Chewy Candy."  The contents are described as "2 lemon ropes with cherry filling."  Whatever was inside that super-shiny mylar package, it felt firm yet flexible.

I was led to expect something kind of like licorice.  What I found was… not that.

My first impression was "Pretty! Sparkly!"  Each Kazoozle rope is heavily dusted with a fine sugar, which gives it a wonderful sparkling look.  Unfortunately this sugar does stick to the fingers, and I frequently found myself brushing the sugar off my fingertips as I noshed.  

The colors are gorgeous, too.  A wonderful sunny, saturated yellow plays against a delicate pink.  The filling is so definitively pink that I would have thought it was grapefruit flavor, not cherry (as the package specified).

The texture definitely has that chewy, toothsome quality of licorice.  It had a good chew, without fragmenting into bits or risking getting impacted in your molars.  The sparkling stuff turns out to be sour powder, similar to the dust on the outside of a Sour Patch Kid, but much less sour.  I dislike sour candy, but on the dial between "sour" and "slightly tangy," this was about in the middle.  

The filling inside is powdery, similar to the filling inside a Nerds candy.  But then after you chew it for a little bit, the whole thing ends with a sort of powdery finish.  Like right before you finish chewing it, it breaks down into granules.  I assume this has something to do with the filling, but it's a very strange effect overall.

This is a very tangy candy, bordering on tart.  In fact it tastes almost exactly like Nerds.  Like a big, rubbery Nerd without the hard candy shell.  I have long suspected that the Wonka Candy Company (a wholly owned subsidiary of Nestle Inc) has only two flavor lines (chocolate and candy) and it uses that flavor set for everything.  

Pink lemonade is what the wrapper promised.  I suppose it hit that mark.  It was kind of a "misc citrusy" taste.  If you had given this to me in an uncolored and unlabeled format, I probably would have guessed Blue Raspberry as the flavor.  It's definitely in that neighborhood of fruitiness, but it lacked the real lemon taste I would expect from something called "lemonade."

On the ecological front, I noticed that the ingredients include palm oil.  This is a big problem, because palm oil is one of the biggest contributors to tropical deforestation and species extinction at work in the world today.  It's a cash crop in Indonesia and Malaysia, where farmers strip the land in order to plant the oil palm.  The rapid spread of palm oil plantations is a horror, and it needs to stop.  

For this reason alone, I advise that you do not buy Kazoozles.  Would it be too much to suggest that each Kazoozle represents a dead civet cat or orangutan?  Probably, but the point stands.  Kazoozles = rainforest devastation.