Whoppers: Strawberry Milkshake

Whoppers: Strawberry Milkshake

I usually don't go for pink foods.  I mean, pink isn't really my color, you know?  And yet, there is that part of me that craves Hello Kitty.  I might be the sort of person who owns a Hello Kitty toaster - the one that toasts her face right onto the bread - but I would never EVER admit that in public.  So.

Despite all my protestations, I have to admit that when I cruised the candy aisle this weekend, this big pink carton of Whoppers lept out at me.  "Pink!"  I thought.  "That looks fun!"  Never mind the fact that strawberry is my least favorite artificial flavor.  I like Whoppers.  And the box looked like fun.  Sometimes I'm susceptible to packaging.  So sue me.

One thing I like about Whoppers is their restraint with packaging.  The carton is made of paper, and is waxed on the inside.  You can recycle or compost it.  So far as I know, aside from bulk bin candies, this is the only plastic-free candy on the market.  Whoppers are eco-friendly, so you can feel good while snarfing down your crispy malted treat!

The first thing I noticed when I opened the box and poured out a few Strawberry Whoppers is that the candies themselves are hardly pink at all.  Just the palest hint of pink.  A surprising sign of restraint; someone in the dev department obviously has a light hand with the Red 40.  

If they are not the color you would expect from a strawberry candy, they are - upon reflection - the exact same shade as a strawberry milkshake. There is the promise of creaminess tempering the aggressive strawberry.  I was intrigued.

The flavor itself carries through on that promise.  If a strawberry Starburst is a 10 on the flavor volume scale, these are at about a 4.  A nice mild strawberry flavor, which is well balanced by the malt taste and the misc creaminess provided by the coating.  

Whoppers was aiming for "strawberry milkshake," and I'd say they hit it straight on.  Although technically it's a strawberry malted milkshake, and I've only ever had malt in Whoppers, basically.  So I can't speak to that.  (I'm not even 100% sure what malt really IS.  I looked it up on Wikipedia but I still don't get it.  Malt is malt, end of story.)

It took me a long time before I could dredge up the sense memory these inspired in me.  It's probably been at least 30 years before I tasted it, so it took a while for that one to surface.  Strawberry milkshake Whoppers taste exactly like strawberry Quik.  

The only thing not to like about these is… well, this is a delicate issue.  It's about the shape.  I never noticed before, but Whoppers are kind of lumpy.  You take something round with a lump at one end, and you make it pink, and then you invoke the word "milkshake" and OKAY YOU MADE ME SAY IT, SOME OF THESE LOOK LIKE BOOBS.  THERE ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?