Giant Chewy SweeTarts

Giant Chewy SweeTarts

I was so excited to find these!  One of the last candies I remember from when I was a kid.  The mid to late 1980s, junior high to high school, and Giant Chewy SweeTarts from the Kwik-Stop up the street.  These things all jumble together in my memory in a haze of sugary goodness.

I'm actually sad that I found these again.  Having revisited some of the candies from my youth, I probably should have known the score.  And it's true, having re-tried a Giant Chewy SweeTart , I'm not really head over heels for them the way I used to be.  

Each Giant Chewy SweeTart is about the size of a silver dollar, and according to my measurements almost half an inch thick.  This is, as befitting the name, a giant piece of candy.  Eating it presents certain challenges which made me think, "Oh yeah, I remember that…"

You have two options when faced with a Giant Chewy SweeTart: you can shove the whole thing into your mouth, or you can try to nibble it.  I started with the first option.  Cramming it into your mouth is feasible, but only barely.  

Doing this as an adult, the phrase "choking hazard" came to mind.  As you attempt to chew it, bits of it flake off and threaten to fling themselves down your gullet.  Or, worse, jab into your soft palate.  After a little bit, the whole thing sort of dissolves into a mess that's half gummy and half gritty.  It's a very strange texture, that's for sure.  Better Candy Through Chemistry.

Biting off a chunk is no easy task.  I never quite perfected the art of biting off a piece without flinging bits of shards everywhere, like candy shrapnel.  This may also have been the case when I was a teenager; my memory fails me on this point.  

The most important thing, when biting pieces off, is to pull back your lips.  Not to put too fine a point on it, but if you leave any spit behind - and with such a tangy candy, saliva is inevitable - it makes the candy sticky and extremely unpleasant when you come back for more.

The chewiness is, I have to say, still very satisfying.  It puts up a good bit of resistance, although I'm not sure how.  I'm not sure I WANT to know how.  Frankly, I'm too frightened to read the ingredients list.  I'm sure it's not good news.

My package came with four Giant Chewy SweeTarts.  They were blue, pink, green, and yellow.  I can only speculate as to what the flavors were meant to be.  The yellow one is the only one with a distinct flavor - lemon, obviously - and the citric tanginess lent itself well to the candy.

Alas, the citric tanginess of the yellow Giant Chewy SweeTart also proved to be my undoing.  After eating the other three, the lemoniness of the yellow one finally pushed me over into heartburn territory.  I found myself having to search out the grown-up version of SweeTarts: the antacid tablet.