The Death of Twinkies

The Death of Twinkies

It's true: You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone

 

I wrote about the impending death of Twinkies over the summer, when the news first came out, and it seemed like practically a fait accompli. I have been surprised ever since whenever I saw Twinkies at the store. Turns out I was just ahead of the curve (for once). Twinkies have finally been announced as deceased, which has set up a great wailing and moaning and gnashing of teeth on the internet.
 
Never mind that hundreds of people lost their jobs. We want our Twinkies!
 
But just as foretold earlier this year, it seems that the Twinkies property is just too valuable to be consigned to the scrap heap of history. In fact, just today it was announced that the Mexican brand Grupo Bimbo may buy the Twinkies name during the forthcoming Hostess liquidation.
 
Would Bimbo create a real Twinkie? Or just a pale imitation? If you have recently eaten a Twinkie you may have realized that… it doesn't really matter. 
 
Let's be honest: even though we all love Twinkies, they are straight up not very good. The cake is sticky, bland, and overly sweet. The filling is stickier, blander, and even sweeter. Faintly gritty in its sweetness, in fact, as if there is so much sugar in the filling that it reached saturation point, and sugar crystals precipitated out of it. It's all vaguely vanilla flavored, but not so that you would really notice. 
 
And let's further be honest, in that if we REALLY loved Twinkies, we would have been buying them all along, and Hostess would not have had to declare bankruptcy. Twinkies are billed as a "snack cake," but who is going to eat a Twinkie as a snack? Baby carrots, that's a snack. A Twinkie has 150 calories and 27 grams of carbs. That's not a snack, that's a dessert.
 
Twinkies failed to change with the times. You won't find a "Twinkies Natural" without artificial flavors or preservatives. You won't find a low-calorie or low-fat Twinkie variant. There are no "100 calorie Twinkie Bites." Or any sign that Twinkies acknowledge the fact that it is 2012, not 1952, and that people's tastes have changed.
 
I'm sure that Bimbo will not tarnish the good Twinkie name. It would be pretty hard to tarnish Twinkies anyway. (What, are you going to make them with cheaper ingredients?) And although most Americans have never heard of Bimbo, the company is HUGE in Mexico and making inroads into American communities with a high Hispanic population. 
 
The Twinkie is dead; long live the Twinkie.