1. Pal Bubble Gum
This is clearly a cheap rip-off of Double Bubble bubble gum. And how sad is it, to be a cheaper version of Double Bubble? The color and markings of the wrapper are identical, but the gum itself is a worse quality.
2. Selz Soda
The bright orange packaging and use of the word "Soda" made me think this would be like a root beer barrel, but orange flavor. I was puzzled when I opened the wrapper and found what looked for all the world like a eucalyptus cough drop.
It was a white, almost silvery color, dusted lightly with corn starch. It smelled… not like food. It had barely any detectable odor. Sniffing it closely (I have never had to sniff candy closely - that's a bad sign, methinks) I caught the faint whiff of… band aid, maybe. Or plastic. It might have been the scent of the wrapper, transferred to the candy.
With the greatest reservations, I reluctantly placed it in my mouth. A faint sweetness, with a bland fruitiness. Like stale 7-Up. In texture, much like a cough drop: crunchy and a little sticky. Did it effervesce slightly on the tongue, or was that just a sensory error?
Inside, a chamber filled with a small amount of syrupy fluid.
3. Tama King Tamarindo Con Chile
There were a lot of words on the packaging, and I had difficulty figuring out which was what. In one place it says "Jelly Fire!" which I found somewhat alarming.
Unwrapping it, I discovered that it was a badly-wrapped lollipop. The candy part had completely stuck to the wrapper, such that it required a great deal of perseverance to un-stick.
I'm neutral on the subject of tamarind. I don't love it; I don't hate it. I think it's good in Thai food. I'm suspicious of attempts to make it into a candy.
Even so, the form factor of this candy is a real turn-off. It looks like a gluey turd stuck to a white lollipop stick. I was revolted to find that it wasn't a hard lollipop, more like a rubbery substance similar to a badly-set gummy bear. It tasted like tamarind and chili powder.
I set it down to note my response, and it stuck to the paper. That was all the excuse I needed to not eat the rest of it.
4. Lucas Bom Vago
Another cryptic candy. This came in a plastic container shaped kind of like a WWII Fat Man bomb. The wrapper says "spicy candy with a gum," and features a cartoon anthropomorphized duck wearing a sweatshirt that says "Lucas." Is the duck's name Lucas? That can't be right. I don't go around wearing a shirt that says "Erika." (Maybe I should?)
The duck is pressing his hands to his ears. He looks distressed, or really surprised. This does not bode well.
Inside I found a preposterously unappealing sight. The lid of the candy is also a small spatula. It digs up a chunk of the primary substance, which is a dull red, and has the texture of earwax. A gumball is embedded in this substance.
A tentative lick was enough to demonstrate that this is the same substance as the Turd Pop, but not on a stick. I didn't have the wherewithal to try the gumball.