You know, I am honestly not sure if I have ever had a Clark Bar before I picked these up on a whim.  I always sought out Fifth Avenue bars in that particular ecological niche of candy.  

A Fifth Avenue bar, for those of you who haven't had the privilege, is basically a Butterfinger bar with two almonds on top.  (Or rather it used to be, and now I date myself, because I see by the Wikipedia entry that they discontinued this practice in 1987.  Explains my confusion the last time I had one.)

Clark Bars could best be described - and I'm sure they hate it when people do this - as "kind of like a Butterfinger."  Except independently owned by a small company (well, relatively small - in this case, owned by NECCO as of a financial downturn in 1999.)


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My first, last, and everything in-between impression of these is that they are SO PRETTY.  I mean, look at them!  The Berry Blast spectrum is like the color scheme for a stained glass window in a public aquarium somewhere tropical.  Florida.  A public aquarium in Florida.

I spent a lot of time just gazing upon them, and occasionally rearranging the colors.  Putting pink beside orange, for example, or moving that ice blue in between a purple and a dark blue.  Gorgeous!

The flavors themselves are mostly alright, although I have some real problems with "Peach Berry."  I mean for one thing, there is no such thing as a "Peach Berry."  Why would you take an assortment of berry flavors and think, "Hmm, you know what this needs?   Peach.  But since it's a berry assortment, we'll have to give it a vaguely berry flavor and then call it Peach Berry."


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I always think of Jordan almonds as being tooth-breakers.  I also associate them with Easter, which is why I was extremely puzzled when I encountered a box in the candy aisle of some random Rite Aid I happened to be in.  Sitting there with all the other candy, for all the world like a real candy, and not some kind of sweetened rock!

Well I couldn't resist buying a box.  Who could?

It turned out that these things were actually pretty good.  I never would have expected that!  I was hoping to have some funny stuff to talk about.  You know, like how I chipped a tooth and had to make an emergency trip to the dentist.  That kind of thing.


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If you, like me, own your own chickens, then you are already sitting up a little bit straighter in your chair to learn that there is an "all eggs, all the time" cookbook.  Recipes just about eggs!  Seriously, I am only one person, and I'm getting four eggs a day this time of year.  And some morning the thought of Yet Another Homemade Egg McMuffin turns my stomach.

This is part of a series which also includes Chocolate and Tomato.  I am mildly intrigued by the thought of single-ingredient cookbooks.  As someone who is definitely not super-accomplished in the kitchen, I like the idea of walking through an exploration of all the different things you can do with a singe ingredient.


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I was only dimly aware of Grape Vines until recently, when I went tracking down a particular variant of Red Vines.  

(Still no luck finding the all-natural version, Natural Vines, by the way.  The Red Vines website says they're available at Haggen stores here in Washington.  I visited my nearest local Haggen store (20 miles away) and they didn't have any.  But they did have the authentic Haribo black licorice wheels imported from Germany.  

I meant to bring them home and photograph them and write a review, but I ate them all on the drive home and then I had a tummy ache but I was not sorry.  So I guess that's my review of imported Haribo licorice wheels: too delicious to wait until you get home.)


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Personal Lubricants Can HelpI was charmed by the film “Superbad” starring Jonah Hill and Michael Cera. Seriously, who doesn’t love movies about young virgins trying to get laid?  

At one point in “Superbad”, the characters of Seth and Evan are in the parking lot at the liquor store waiting for the much-loved McLovin’ to buy booze with his questionable fake id. As the two are talking, one busts out a bottle of lube and the other chucks it across the parking lot. His reasoning? Lube is only necessary for old ladies- not hot high school girls.

I beg to differ.


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Someone, seriously, please take this bag away from me.  I can't stop eating them  I'm worried!  Help!

Last night at the store I cast my eye across the candy aisle, looking for something interesting to review.  (That's my excuse nowdays - I need it to review.)  I skimmed over the Maple Nut Goodies then stopped, realizing that I had never actually tried them.  I just assumed they were gross.  Well that's hardly fair, is it?

I'm "meh" on maple flavoring.  I like it okay when it's done well.  But all too often manufacturers will compensate for problems with their maple flavoring by adding more MORE MORE sugar.  Like making it sweeter helps cover up the fact that they use cheap maple flavor.  You are familiar with this problem if you have ever had a maple bar from the grocery store doughnut case.


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Oh what devious minds have been at work in the Keebler cookie factory?  Who was it who first proposed "Hey, let's make a cookie out of cheesecake"?  I really hope that person's genius was recognized.  I hope they at least got a nice bonus that following December.  

How is it that I have lived my entire life without cheesecake cookies?  This must be how people felt when air travel was invented.  Every once in a while something so revolutionary comes along that you can't help but wonder how you ever got along without it.  Cheesecake Middles cookies are such an item.

The basics: a dollop of cheesecake inside a graham cracker cookie, with fudge stripes and a fudgy bottom.  The overall visual effect is like that of a thumbprint cookie, but with white creamy cheesecake instead of sticky red jam.  


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Yesterday we covered Giant Chewy SweeTarts, but at the same time I picked up a roll of the regular, non-giant, non-chewy kind.  And a roll of Bottle Caps too, while I was at it.  I think everyone who grew up in the 1980s associates Bottle Caps with the movie theater, and that may be true for other decades as well.

I wonder what Kids Today think about Bottle Caps candy.  They are shaped and stamped to resemble a metal soda bottle cap.  When did sodas lose the metal cap?  No doubt when they stopped being packaged in glass bottles.  Which by my count must have happened in the late 1980s.  There are kids today who are in COLLLEGE who have never seen a metal soda bottle cap.

They would have seen metal beer bottle caps, of course.  But that's a different matter.


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I was so excited to find these!  One of the last candies I remember from when I was a kid.  The mid to late 1980s, junior high to high school, and Giant Chewy SweeTarts from the Kwik-Stop up the street.  These things all jumble together in my memory in a haze of sugary goodness.

I'm actually sad that I found these again.  Having revisited some of the candies from my youth, I probably should have known the score.  And it's true, having re-tried a Giant Chewy SweeTart , I'm not really head over heels for them the way I used to be.  

Each Giant Chewy SweeTart is about the size of a silver dollar, and according to my measurements almost half an inch thick.  This is, as befitting the name, a giant piece of candy.  Eating it presents certain challenges which made me think, "Oh yeah, I remember that…"


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