Starburst GummiBursts

I have a difficult time saying whether or not these are "good" because that's such a subjective term.  And because they completely squicked me out.  

GummiBursts are the latest blow struck in the experimental candy wars.  The package proclaims them to be "liquid filled gummies," and so they are.  What it fails to mention is that the resulting texture is unavoidably biological, and not in a fun way.

Upon opening the package, the first thing that struck me was the fruity smell.  It wasn't like I opened the pack right under my nose or anything - I opened it at a normal arm's length.  And yet the fruity smell was vigorously detectable, as if it had been just waiting for its chance to escape.  It made me imagine that the last step at the factory, before sealing the package, is to shoot in a puff of concentrated fruity scent, in order to round out the consumer's experience.

When I poured them out on my desk, these looked like regular gummy candies.  A slightly odd shape, to be sure.  I wonder why they went with round solids, instead of making them square to echo the shape of Starburst candies?  Ah well, I'm sure better minds than mine were responsible for that decision, somewhere in the bowels of the Mars Snackfood Corporation's product development labs.

I half thought that the "liquid center" would prove to be an exaggeration.  I poked a candy experimentally, and it gave beneath my finger in a disturbingly fleshy fashion, like a little cube of raw steak.  When I picked one up and rolled it between my fingers, the fluid filling could be distinctly felt.  

Those of you with delicate temperaments may wish to look away before you read the next sentence.  The texture of Starburst GummiBursts is very much like the texture of the cyst I recently found on the neighbor's dog.  Firm, yet rubbery, with a distinctly liquid center.  

(I told the neighbor, and she took her dog straight to the vet to have the cyst lanced and drained, and given a prescription for antibiotics.  The vet thinks it was probably either an insect bite or a nip from one of the other dogs that got infected.  The dog is fine.)

Cutting open a GummiBurst didn't help this perception.  I happened to choose one of the cherry candies, so the gel-like fluid that oozed out was a bright red.  Lovely.

Compounding the problem, the taste of each flavor is distinctly medicinal.  Cherry is the worst, tasting exactly like cough syrup.  Lemon has those unfortunate bright floor polish overtones that you find in cheap flavorings, orange tastes just like baby aspirin, and strawberry is a dead ringer for a Hall's throat lozenge.

This is particularly a disappointment coming from the Starburst line.  Starburst usually has some of the best fruit flavors around.  I don't know where they got the flavors for their GummiBursts.  Maybe they got a great deal on a liquidation sale from some discount drug store candy company.  

These should be avoided at all costs.