Of all the Least Favorite Candy I've tried during this little project, the Conversation Hearts are definitely the worst.  These things cost me a night's sleep, I kid you not.  I did my sampling a bit later at night than I should have, and then I made the mistake of washing them down with some Coke Zero.  Coke Zero + Conversation Hearts = Instant Stomach Evil.  

As I lay in bed, imagining the Mentos + Diet Coke experiment happening inside my guts, I had ample time to reflect upon the difference between Tums and Conversation Hearts.  The comparison is apt - if you set out one of each, I'm not sure I'd be able to distinguish, except on the basis of size and shape.  

The primary difference between antacids and Conversation Hearts is that antacids contain calcium as well as talc.  I assume this is why antacids have a harder crunch than Conversation Hearts.  The flavors and colors are identical, and the texture is only slightly different.  Ironic consolation, when you're being awakened from a sound sleep by Conversation Heart Puke Burps at all hours of the night.  I ended up piling a bunch of pillows behind my back and sleeping nearly upright to let gravity help keep my fluids where they belonged.

I purchased a bag of Necco Sweethearts, which are the "real" conversation hearts.  As I was poring over the wrapper in the wee hours of the night (looking for the mysterious ingredient that produced Pure Evil in my tummy) (I didn't find it) I noticed that Necco is actually an acronym for New England Candy Company.  Did you know that?  I didn't know that.

Necco Sweethearts come in a big ol' bag, as opposed to the little cardboard packet boxes that you have probably also seen.  The bag delivery method means that the hearts are "fresher," which is to say slightly less chalky and more yielding to the tooth.  I believe the formulation and flavor of the Necco Sweethearts is also slightly superior to the kind in little boxes. They are basically funny-shaped Necco wafers.

Each color of Necco Sweetheart has its own flavor.  This also would seem to distinguish them from "the regular kind," all of which are apparently the same flavor.  However, Necco has to print a key to the flavor and color on the back of the package.  Hint to candy companies everywhere: If you have to tell people what the flavor is by color, you're not doing a good job with the flavors.

The back of the package breathlessly proclaims that "For baking, gifting, craft ideas & more, visit mysweethearts.com."  Well, I just visited mysweethearts.com (the prospect of craft ideas involving Conversation Hearts was too great a lure to resist).  All I got was a crappy app that lets you create your own Conversation Heart slogans, then share them with your friends via Twitter.  Woo.

Naturally in order to use this app, you have to log into Twitter through the Necco website.  So let me get this straight: you keep me up all night with indigestion, AND you want me to give you my Twitter login so you can do god knows what with it?  

Well played, Necco.

Creative Commons-licensed image courtesy of Flickr user L. Marie